It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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