The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
