i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my vagina is haunted
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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