should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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