I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
