And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
