I think i sorta joined a cult last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
