how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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