i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
