I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
