You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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