I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
