I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
