Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
