i'm signing you up for texting rehab
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
