Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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