I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
