what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my shit smells like andre
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
