and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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