And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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