batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
