a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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