I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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