I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
