awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I party with great urgency now.
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