It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize