if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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