I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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