I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
