just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
