im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
