I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
