Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize