Tell her she can't have a vagina
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
