How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
