You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Boobs speak an international language.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
