butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
