My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
