i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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