How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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