At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
