nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
