Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
