Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
