Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
