You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
