isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
