Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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