Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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