i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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