Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
