I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
