Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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