So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do herpes really smell.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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