i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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