guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
