Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
