i think i have two assholes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
