is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
