4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
