guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
