idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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