Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
