Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
