I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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