I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
