everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
