You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
