It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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