Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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